just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
