glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
