i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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