Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
