we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
