"it" just moved
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
