I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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