she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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