He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
