You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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