piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
