Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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