just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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