So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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