We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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