I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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