if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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