I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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