All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
