you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
