im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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