Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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