What a fucking waste of an outfit
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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