You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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