just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
