Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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