Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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