but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
