i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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