So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
