I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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