I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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