just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
