I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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