I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
