why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
