Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Houston, we have a squirter
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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