He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
