Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
