Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
