I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do vagina's smell?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
