I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
