Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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