Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
