yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
