end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
