I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
