Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
