but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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