So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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