Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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