good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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