If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Shame - the story of my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
