my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
