if i can run in heels then i can drive
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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