very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
