I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I love you.
Bad choice
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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