duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
