it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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