even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
