y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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