There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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