And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
