do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
