Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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