This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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