After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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