We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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