JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
