It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
