I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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