the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
