When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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