Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
