I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
