ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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